I guess deep down I'm a rebel. I just can't seem to get over my pre-occupation with finding things out for myself. I was told the whole time I was growing up that "this verse means this" or "that verse means that." Deep down I often questioned why.
Why does it have to mean that? Who decided that a particular passage meant a particular thing, and why must we all agree with that person?
I've been questioning authority again. Wondering about my role as a Wife/Mother/Woman.
1) When I was growing up I was taught that I was to be submissive to my husband if and when I got married.
2) I was taught to submit to my pastor in my church. I was told that as a woman I would not be allowed to become a pastor, or a teacher of men. I've read books that have told me that I could be a pastor if I chose because the same verses that were interpreted by my previous mentors were supposed to mean a different thing.
3) I've heard teachings that the ONLY true calling for a woman is to be a helper to a man. This leaves a lot of single women out in the cold.
4) I've heard that as long as a woman is single, she should be under her father's authority. This leaves her forsaken once her father is dead. If her father is dead, then she's under the authority of her pastor.
5) I've heard that if a woman is divorced by her husband then she is back under her father's authority.
6) I've heard that if a woman is divorced and falls in love with another single man, they should get married to keep from sexual sin. I've also heard of fathers not allowing their previously divorced daughters to date or have any casual friendships with men because they are never to remarry.
7) I've heard and read that women are equal with men, and that the only reason for verses about submission is so that if there is an impasse there will be an order of direction. In this case the man is made into a sort of scape-goat if his decisions prove wrong.
8) I've heard that the only time a woman should have to submit to a man's leadership is in the confines of marriage.
I could continue, but I could go on and on and get very boring (unless, of course, I already have). My point is this, I'm confused. I want to know what is right. I want to feel confident and be at peace knowing that I am being a good Christian. I want to be able to teach my daughters the right role as a woman.
Of course this brings up another problem. If Adam and Eve were told not to eat of the tree of "The Knowledge of Good and Evil." Then, am I not supposed to try to figure it all out? That confuses me even more. Because there's that verse "Study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not be ashamed, rightly dividing the Word of Truth." Maybe I'm misinterpreting that verse too.
So I've been praying fore God to show me what is right, and here is what He told me. (My paraphrase) "You know how to read, right? You can actually open that big book I gave you. You know, the one I took hundreds of years to write. You could actually read the pages yourself and find out what I have to say on the subject. You don't have to rely on books written by revered Scholars. I will teach you as you go."
Here's what I said back to Him (essentially). "I know, but I don't want to do all that studying and reading and searching. I want to just read what someone else to the time to study out, and just sort of know, instantly, that they have it right. I have kids to raise. I'm a homeschool mom. I don't have time right now to actually read through the whole Bible looking for information specific to my role as a woman."
God: "Ok, then... you can stay confused. I don't really want to hear your complaining."
So here I am... I read the first 4 chapters of Genesis last night. I can't guarantee I'll blog everything I learn, but hey, that's my prerogative. If you want to know what I find... you can read it for yourself.