The Mansion

While I was visiting my parents house I had an interesting dream.

Someone I barely knew bequeathed to me a mansion.  The architecture was typical of South Florida.  There were many rooms, and for a moment during the dream I felt as if I'd dreamed about the house before.  It was deja vu during a dream which is a very odd sensation.  There were grand bathrooms and large bedrooms, Tile floors and vaulted ceilings.  Two things stood out to me above everything else and took up the majority of the dream.

The first was the library.  Although it wasn't nearly as big as a public library, it was significantly larger than any library I've seen inside a home.  The floors were white marble with tan veins, and there were roman columns throughout the room.  It looked like an ancient library out of a movie.  The walls were at least two stories high with bookshelves lining them almost to the ceiling.  Every shelf was completely stocked with books.  To my amazement, there were also four aisles of bookshelves in the middle of the room, stretching out at least 40 feet each.  These shelves were lined on both sides with books and were about 8 feet high.  I could not see over them while standing.  There were no chairs in this room, indicating that the reader was encouraged to take the book of choice elsewhere to read in comfort. 

As I gazed in wonder at what I'd been given I knew immediately that I would never be able to read all of the books in my lifetime.  I also knew that I had many beloved books at home that I would want to store in this room after my family moved into the house to occupy it.  I sent out notices to many of my homeschooler friends and told them of my fortune.  I asked everyone to please come and look at my library and take whatever books they wanted. These would be gifts to them, and not to be returned to me. 

Soon there were many homeschool moms perusing the titles of my library, carrying out stacks of books with my blessing.  As they looked I decided to see what else was in the house.  I stepped through the grand double door entrance to the library and found myself in the second place that stood out to me. 

I found myself in a room that was obviously supposed to be the main living room.  It wasn't nearly as large as the library, but was much larger than any living room I'd ever seen.  There were about a half dozen seating areas arranged.  Most of the furniture was antique, camelback sofas, and wingchairs flanked by occaisional tables with slender curved legs. 

The thing that stood out to me the most about this room was not the volume of funiture, but the exterior walls.  The room was situated on a corner of the house, and both of the exterior wall were completely missing.  They had been lowered into the ground and the top edges of the wall were like concrete tiles leading onto a large patio.  The location of the longest wall was also about 10 feet from a sidewalk where anyone could simply step over the small edging of grass, cross the brick pavers of the patio, and enter the room at will. 

Unlike the library, I did not wish to give away any of the furniture, though I had plenty to spare.  I was concerned about protecting my privacy, not wishing anyone to enter the room uninvited.  I looked for a way to raise the walls back up, so the room (and thus the house) would not be open to intruders.  I looked forward to inviting guests to visit, but I did not want strangers stealing anything.  I was also concerned about the weather typical to south florida and the inherent moisture damage that could occur in such an open environment.  I wondered how long the walls had been down, and noted that the furniture was still in excellent condition despite the exposure to the elements. 

My husband found a way to raise the walls and as they were going up, I awoke and the dream was ended.  Before I was fully awake I saw that the walls had several large windows in them and I was glad that there was such a large amount of natural light pouring into the room. 

It's My Birthday

Another year has passed, and a new one has just begun in my life.  I was hoping I could write this jaw-dropping, deeply thought-provoking blog that everyone would ooh and ahh over.

Sorry to disappoint.

Late last night I was planning to head to the grocery store to buy everything I need to make lasagna today.  My hubby gave me a gift of service, and went to the store for me.  He even bought me flowers.  He said he was planning to get them for me today, but since we have a busy schedule on Fridays he went ahead and got them early.

This morning I cuddled with my three beautiful girls.  Then I got up to make breakfast, and the girls helped me make the bed.

For breakfast I made French toast and bacon.  I made it more for my kids than myself.  Sometimes giving gifts to others brings so much joy to me that it's almost as if I'm the one getting the gift.  I bought some blueberry syrup at Aldi's yesterday when I went on my post-vacation restock run.  It was delicious on the French toast.

Normally my hubby takes me out for my birthday.  Because we have church on Friday nights, and because we just got back from vacation My hubby and I decided to wait until next week to celebrate my birthday.  I decided to make a nice dinner for tonight (part of the reason I needed to go shopping last night).  After chores were done I started working on the meat sauce for the lasagna.

To my surprise, just as I finished the prep work for the meat sauce, my best friend called me and asked me out to lunch.  She took me out for Mexican food (one of my favorites!!)  Then she took me to Starbucks for coffee.

While we were at Starbucks I decided to pick up a few clearanced Christmas items.  Because it was busy, the cashier rang up our coffee along with my items even though I tried to tell her that they were supposed to be separate orders.  My friend really wanted to pay for my coffee since I usually buy it when we're out together.  She was planning on paying with a gift card she was carrying, and didn't have any cash to pay for the coffee part of our order.  I looked down and saw a crumpled up bill on the floor.  It was a $10!!!  It paid for the coffee.


After I got home I finished up the lasagna prep while watching the biggest loser on my DVR, sans commercials.  While I was watching, my middle daughter brought me this card (hidden inside a large ball ornament).

Then I cleaned up a bit and vegged on the computer for a while.  I uploaded a bunch of pictures on Facebook, and updated my Bethimus Designs page.  My hubby came home early after an appointment with his endodontist, and I popped the lasagna in the oven.

When my youngest woke up, the congestion in her chest confirmed that I will be missing church tonight.  She was choking on phlegm so badly that she spit up a little.  Since I'm the nursery coordinator, it would be a bit hypocritical to take her in since the rules clearly state that no children are allowed who have thrown up in the past 24 hours.

We ate our delicious dinner as a family, except of course for my little one, who's tummy didn't fancy the heavy food.  We had navel oranges with the lasagna and my hubby and I had Virgil's soda.  Then Hubby took the older three kids with him to church, and I played computer games while my little one watched cartoons.  Oh, and I had a little bit of peppermint bark leftover from Christmas.

Well, that was my day.  It was a lot of fun (except for the little one being sick).  Goodnight.  

copycat

I was doing it again.  Wishing... Not that wishing is wrong.
I've built my dream houses, castles in the air, specialized rooms and varied landscapes. 
Wishing is like money, easily abused.
I was wishing I was a vintage mommy.  Wishing to be someone I'm not.  There is where the fault lies. 
This mommy is so much like me, and there is the difficulty.  She is creative and nostalgic.  Her beautiful home coming together on the bloggers page, faults hidden mostly from view. 
Why can I not love who I am, who I am supposed to be?  Why must my culture expect me to hate myself, or wish I was something God never intended?  I was the eye looking at the foot wishing itself into redundancy. 
Why do I give in so easily?
I'm not the foot.  I'm not sure what body part I am, but although I'm vintage, and a mommy it's time I saw myself as my creator sees me.  It's time I stopped wishing I was anywhere but here, anyone but me. 
Even if I'm the left eye and she the right, I must still be content to be the left eye. 
So, again, I will learn to hear my father's voice, "you are special because you are different.  You are who I made you and I love who you are."
oh, and you can't be me either...   

A cupful of memories

Because I'm a home schooler, my thoughts are often directed at homeschooling. I get asked a lot about it, and why I feel the need to home school. I've mostly gotten positive feedback, and only once did I get overwhelmingly negative feedback.

Often I'll receive comments from other moms along the lines of "You must be supermom" or "I wish I could home school, but I would never have the patience." I'm quick to deny the supermom comments, and often explain that I don't always have patience with my children.

Since the subject seems to come up a lot, I thought I'd at least try to mention one of the reasons I home school here. This is only one reason, but I thought it would be nice and sentimental.

Picture, if you will, a cup. In my case I love all things tea, so I'll be picturing a beautiful hand painted porcelain teacup with a matching saucer. This cup is being filled each day with memories.

Now, I know that I only have a limited number of years to spend with my children, and I know that during those years there will be plenty of negative things that will try to get into my cup. Like the bitterness that steeps when you leave a teabag too long in hot water, I will have to realize that not every moment spent with my children is going to be pleasant. With each passing year, my cup fills a bit more, and the more time I spend with my children, the more memories we have together.

Finally, one day they will leave my home, and start their own. My son is convinced that he will be a bachelor, and so I imagine he will be coming home to visit a lot more often than my girls. (Not that I actually think he's not going to get married, but to be respectful to his current predisposition, I will entertain his current expectations). Then, as my home is empty I will have all those memories to sip on, and slowly savor during the rest of my life.

Now, if I were to send them off to school every day, I would have at least 6 hours every weekday apart from my children. Then, when they are at home I would have to devote at least two hours every night to homework (more for my slower workers). Since they would be on a traditional schedule, I would have to limit the number of times we could go on vacations to those summer days when lines are long at amusement parks, and the community pool is raucous and crowded. Instead of going to visit extended family when the weather is nice I would be limited to a couple of weeks in the winter, and a week in the springtime. At that rate, my cup wouldn't fill up very quickly and all too soon they would be off to college with my nice china cup only half filled.

Now, granted, most of the bitter memories would be left at school in a classroom with a different teacher each year. Honestly, having never had to deal with it, I can't say for certain how it would be. I know from what I hear of other families, it could go either way. We might drift apart as a family with my children's peers taking precedence over their desire to spend time with their siblings. Or, we might become even closer knit as we cherish the moments spent as a family.

Regardless, I know mathematically that I have more opportunities to make memories with my children if I have their presence during a greater part of the day.

So, for me I want my cup to be full... not just full, but overflowing with memories. I'll gladly endure the bitter moments in order to fill my cup the the brim and then some, and I'll do everything I can to sweeten my cup every chance I get. And I have to say, having been both in private school and home school myself, and having a child go to private school and home school, I would choose home schooling every time.

Go ahead, pour yourself a cup and see if you don't like the results.

Blessings Missed

When I was a kid, I didn't have much. I mean, I had plenty if you were to compare my family to, say, a starving family in Ethiopia living in a single room. At one point, though we were pretty close.

When I was a baby I lived on a bus. Not a nice, cushy, touring bus either. This bus got so run down that the school system didn't want it anymore, so they donated it to a church. Then it got so run down that the church couldn't use it either, so they donated it to my family. Believe it or not, at the time it was a step up.

I could go on, but that's not really the point of this post. Times were hard then. I suppose plenty of people in my situation would have become cynical and depressed. Thanks to my parents, though I was taught to focus on the positive side.

The thing I learned most from being without is that God answers prayers. I suppose some would say, "Why didn't you pray to be rich, then?" An excellent question, and there were definitely times I wondered the same thing. I also wondered why God wouldn't give me a sister when I prayed for one. I suppose the answer is, "God in His wisdom knew what was best for me at the time, and being rich (or having a sister) wasn't it."

Now that I'm an adult I have moved to the other side of the tracks, so to speak. My husband has a good paying job which makes it possible for me to stay home with our children. We are able to live comfortably within our means. We are not in debt (unless you count house payments).

As I was driving in my 5 year old minivan (the cars my parents drove were at least 10 years old, if not older), I was wondering about the blessing of God in my life. I reminisced about the good old days and wished that I could see miraculous answers to prayer again, like I had as a child.

There's a verse in the Gospels that says (pardon my paraphrase), "It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to get into heaven." (I love references to sewing) The more blessed I am financially, the more obvious it is to see this truth.

You see, there is this facade that comes with earning money instead of having it given to you. It makes you think that you got it on your own. It's easy to believe that your hard work and dedication are what gives you the life you live.

When you know something is impossible, and you pray for it anyway, and God gives it to you miraculously, it's so easy to see the source of your blessing. But, when God gives you an amazing job, and works it out so that you're paid enough to cover all of your needs and then some, it's easy to forget the true source.

As I pondered all this I realized... There are so many things that God is doing for me, things He's given me that I haven't even thought to pray for because He's been doing such a good job taking care of things that I haven't even noticed anything missing. It's like praying for a glass of water while standing under a waterfall.

I know, with the recession and all, that there are a lot of people who are not in a very good position right now. I'm sure to some of them, this post comes off as arrogant and condescending. I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face. I guess all I'm trying to say is, trust God. He knows what's good for you. He knows what you long for, and He is, even now, ready to pour it out. But you have to be ready to receive it. God is good, and He will not give you anything you can't handle. So, if you're wondering when His blessings are going to come, perhaps it's time to look around and start counting the ones He's already given you. Maybe, while you're busy tallying up the ones you've already received, He'll flood you with the ones you've been praying for.

Gas discounts: breakdown

A friend recently emailed me about a great deal that one of my local supermarkets is running right now. If I spend $25 on groceries, then I can buy a $50 gas gift card for only $40.

A few hours later the same friend sent out another email that another local grocery store had an even better deal on gas.

Being the savvy shopper that I am, I already knew about both the deals, but her emails prompted me to look even deeper into the discounts to see if it's really a good deal.

Upon closer inspection I noticed that, for me, the $10 discount on gas cards would be a better deal. Here is the breakdown:

I can get gas at my local warehouse store right now for about 3.28/gallon. If I buy 17 gallons of gas, it will cost me $55.76. Of course, there is usually a pretty long line and I would have to go out of my way whenever I want to get gas. (I don't always remember to top off my tank while I'm there to fill up the rest of my car with massive quantities of paper goods.)

If I use the first store's promotion, I can get a gift card for almost any big-name gas station. The lowest gas price in my normal, routine driving radius is going for $3.34/gal. At this price I can get 17 gallons for about 56.78. With the $10 discount it comes to 46.78. I could probably find a lower price, but this is a station I know I can get a gift card for.

The second store's option accrues cents off/gallon type reward points based on the purchase of certain types of groceries. It is affiliated with a specific gas station. The closest of these stations is currently selling gas for about 3.37/gal. With a 10 cent/gallon discount, I can get 17 gallons for $55.59.

Keep in mind that this deal is only good on the first 20 gallons of gas, so its a good thing I don't drive anything with a larger tank. Otherwise I'd have to stop for gas more often to get the full discount. Also, if I accrue enough reward points for a 40 cent/gal discount, my 17 gallons of gas would cost me $50.49.

Of course, as I started looking into these details I thought about another issue. Would I be paying more than necessary for my groceries just to get gas points? If I spend more money on products because I'm shopping at my grocery store instead of one of the "marts", then I'm not really saving any money.

I know that the first store already charges a lot more for their groceries than I can get elsewhere, so the only way the $10 discount would be worth it is if I can use a bunch of coupons on my purchases and only buy things that are on sale. The second store is only slightly cheaper, but the things that count toward gas rewards are name-brand items that I wouldn't normally buy. When all is said and done, I guess if I want to save the most money I'll have to stay on top of this all the time.

Or, there's the option I haven't mentioned yet. (Aren't I sneaky for keeping this information till the very end). I could always trust God to take care of me, as He always has. I can relax and enjoy life and not worry about saving a few pennies here and there. Of course, I'm not advocating a total waste of my resources. I'm just saying that unless I can get a really amazing deal I'm not going to spend hours of my life worrying about a couple of dollars I might be able to save.

Black Friday

Well, it's over.

Our annual day to think about what we are thankful for is past... now it's time for our materialism and greed to take over in a grasping, mad rush to buy up all the wonderful things we think we need.

Unlike a lot of posts, I haven't really rehearsed this one in my mind. I got up this morning and decided to write this, so it probably won't be as poetic as some of my other, well thought out posts.

I opened my email this morning and found about 50 messages from different businesses announcing their black Friday specials. I couldn't help but feel a little dirty. To think that our nation has capitalized on the materialism of Christmas this way. I had to explain what black Friday was to my son a few days ago.

Instead of venting, I'd like to issue a challenge. Before you go into a store today, think of ten things you are thankful for. I'm talking about 10 things for each store you visit. Or, if you're a cyber shopper, make a list of 10 things before you log onto a new store. Before you plunk down your hard earned money, think about a few things...

1) Are you buying this for yourself because you think it will make you happy?

If so, do you remember what you bought yourself last year around this time? Odds are you'll get a quick fix and then, like an addict, you'll want more.

2) Are you buying this as a Christmas gift for someone you are close to?

If you really have a good relationship, there is probably something more personal and meaningful you could get them. My best friend and I decided were were going to exchange gifts that were either second hand, or hand-made this year. Because, if you really love someone, it will mean so much more to receive something with meaning, than just another trinket picked up in a rush.

3) Are you buying this for someone you have on your list who you just want to show some appreciation to?

A lot of us have folks on our Christmas lists who we aren't really close to, but want to give a little something to make them feel appreciated. I have a lot of people like that on my list. My children's teachers and coaches, ladies who have mentored me, the folks in leadership at my church who serve me every week. While I don't hang out with them one-on-one very much, I still like to show them my appreciation each Christmas.

Instead of buying a bunch of made in China junk for a couple of dollars, why not make them something. Last year I made a salt scrub for the ladies in my life. I think it took me about 10 minutes to mix it up. The most expensive part was the oil I used. I've found pretty jars in thrift stores for as little as 50 cents. For the men in my life I made chocolate dipped pretzel rods. My children made them for their uncles. If they can make them, anyone can. If your reason for not making something is that you don't have the time, then you probably shouldn't be standing in long check-out lines on black Friday.

4) This is probably the hardest one to admit, and the most prevalent in our society... Are you buying something to impress someone?

The truth is, if you're trying to impress someone it's not going to work. It never does. If you're trying to prove that you're rich, then you certainly can't admit that you bought it on black Friday at a deep discount. If you're trying to make someone like you, you should know by now that you can't buy love. The best way to impress someone is to be so confident that you are no longer tossed around by someone's opinions. The best way to make someone like you is to show them kindness. The fact of the matter is, people who make you feel inferior or push your affections away are most often struggling with their own self worth.

So, I hope you enjoy your Christmas holidays, but please, please don't get sucked into the vortex of materialistic holiday greed. I love you all too much to let that happen without at least a small attempt at rescue.